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I told her how there was a lot of hog in the bar so I was grabbing a drink before I went back home. Ok forget what I said, this was a bad idea and the look of her half naked body is making me go limp. I finally decide, after about 6 free beers and a shot, that I am heading home to get the Vaseline and rubber spatula out for a night of solo action. We had a couple drinks and she leaned over into me and I put my arms around her. So she sits down on the couch and saddles her hips up to the edge as I try to furiously stuff my mostly limp self into a condom. So once again I have to listen to her drone on about the price of Ensure or some shit until I reach my apartment complex. She told me to call her the next week, so I did. We got talking and I offered her a drink, she sat down and we started watching the show. A guy answered so I never called her back. I mumble something like good night or rest in peace and head up to my place. She was middle-aged and attractive so I said yeah. I slowly go about my business, I start questioning my life choices that brought me to this point. I am getting lost in my thoughts when Eleanor Roosevelt whispers something in my ear that will haunt my very dreams. I stepped outside for a cigarette and a girl who was jogging by stopped and asked to use the bathroom. I was dressed as Teen Wolf, with hairy tights and suspenders for the legs. An older woman messaged me on POF. So I get to the bar and apparently everyone had the same idea that I had. Which sadly is not the case. Meanwhile I am talking to a lady who likely voted for FDR. I took a huge leap of faith but I made sure to survey the area before knocking or letting her know I was in the area. I am trying to decide if I should just leave and go home and fap to the new Sears catalog, I saddle up at the bar and order a beer. Went camping with a bunch of friends the summer after graduating from college. Saved a woman from a thicket of thorny bushes. While this is running through my mind apparently grandma was doing some ninja shit because before I know it she got her pants off and starting to remove her shirt. She ended up laying on me with my arm around her boobs. We actually had a FWB thing going on for a while as she lived just a mile or so away. To my shock and dismay, a dark-skinned girl was curled up in a thicket of thorny barberry bushes wearing nothing but a T-shirt and panties.
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