And if he goes home and jacks off about all the sexy, sexy feet he saw and, yes, handled during his shift, he's not hurting anyone or doing anything unethical. We're in a cuckold relationship—she sleeps with other men and women, while I am completely monogamous to her—and "my" best man is one of her regular male sex partners and her maid of honor is one her girlfriends with benefits. His feet aren't an uncommon size There's a perverse thrill in her other lovers being totally oblivious to it, but we want to be ethical in our polyamorous ways. My bi girlfriend and I are getting married in a month. They were together for three years and briefly engaged, and they broke up two years before we met.
But I wanted to let you know, Dan, since reading your column is what inspired me to be open about my kinks, and our relationship—the best I've ever been in—wouldn't exist without you. The secret perving you're doing—the girlfriend has to beg for your permission to fuck other people and report back to you afterward—is small and it's a bank shot. I want to surprise him with a very special bachelor party that we'll both attend: And what turns you on about your girlfriend sleeping with other people—and how you and your girlfriend talk to each other about it—is no one's business but yours. We've had numerous arguments about this, and his "solution" is for me to "stop thinking about it. Your role-playing games take place before she fucks someone else when she asks your permission and after she fucks someone else when she recounts her experience. My boyfriend of one year has refused to delete photos from his Instagram account that show him with his ex-girlfriend. No one else at our big traditional church wedding that her mother is paying for will know. Thanks for sharing, and be sure to send me a photo of the wedding party for my records. I "allow" her to fuck other men and women, and she delights in asking my permission and recounting the details of her other trysts to me. Tweet Joe Newton I've been enjoying consensual nonmonogamy for the past two years, in part thanks to your column and podcast. If he thinks he's playing it cool—he thinks his perving is secret—but his customers or coworkers are creeped out by his behavior, demeanor, heavy breathing, etc. They aren't in contact in any way, so I don't have any worries there, but I think making photos of him with someone else available to his friends and family—and now my friends, too, as many are now following him—is incredibly disrespectful. So long as he's good at his job and his secret perving is undetectable—no bulges, no heavy breathing, no creepy comments—no harm done. Of course, it's just an elaborate role-playing game—but is it wrong to be using these people as pawns in our game without their knowledge and consent? I'm picturing a big group of guys doing for him what I do for him: If so, when should she tell them? His size also happens to be my size—and I'm half convinced he wouldn't have proposed if we didn't have the same size feet and I couldn't wear his boots. I've tried calmly discussing this with him, I've tried crying, I've tried screaming my head off—nothing works. He's the only fetishist I've ever been with—all my other boyfriends were vanilla—and I'm wondering how he would react if he walked into a room and found a bunch of his friends wearing his boots and then I ordered him to start licking. But he needs to be involved in determining where, when, how, and with whom he'd like to make this fantasy a reality. And if he goes home and jacks off about all the sexy, sexy feet he saw and, yes, handled during his shift, he's not hurting anyone or doing anything unethical. He refuses to discuss this issue, even as I lose sleep over it. There are things we have a right to ask the people with whom we have casual sex—like whether they're practicing ethical nonmonogamy, if they have an STI, what kind of birth control they're using, whether they're on PrEP, etc. On the Lovecast, a sex toy expert's husband's favorite sex toy: We are curious how much of this she needs to disclose to her other lovers.
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